Autumn Transitions

Autumn is a transitory period. We clean up our wardrobes, putting the tank tops and shorts to bed for a long winter sleep and filling their space with cozy jumpers, hoodies, scarfs. We start craving warmer foods like pumpkin soup, potato mash and that stew your mom used to make. We start focusing on upcoming projects, we put some new personal milestones and objectives, we go back to building healthy habits.

Our emotions go through a transition too. From flying free as big colourful kites, they become a bit more introspective and nostalgic. Our hearts, perhaps, go a little bare. We feel that in the colder season, we want to shower them with love and affection and keep them warm.

The autumn blues hit me a couple days ago and at first, of course, I closed myself up in my little ‘cave,’ not letting anybody in, not wanting to reach out to anyone and just staying with my own rather darker-nuanced thoughts. This self-indulgent suffering brought me nowhere, so on day 3, I decided to share how I felt with some of my closest people. It was surprising yet comforting to find out that so many of my friends were feeling this shift too, both externally and internally.

The new season was bringing them new emotions they had to deal with, thoughts of past, present and future and just a different mental state they had to navigate. They were not alone in this, I was not alone in this.

The moment I started sharing how I felt, what I worried about, what I was confused about, some of my closest people shared back that they were going through something similar. They too were on the verge of starting something new, of re-tuning and going into a new phase or preparing themselves for one. It’s not only comforting to understand that whatever happens in your internal world happens to someone else at that very same time. It’s also soothing and eye-opening to speak out loud the things that you hold inside like a heavy treasure chest. When the words go out, things somehow start to feel lighter, things start to make sense, the dots connect.

As my friend put it funnily, it’s essentially free therapy and the first step to seeking an external nudge, when your internal world feels a bit chaotic.

Ironically, the vulnerability you allow yourself in front of your nearest and dearest is also a lesson of strength. Voicing out and becoming clear on what worries you and of how you feel is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of honesty and a readiness for change of your emotional, mental, physical state. And this strength gets amplified through the words you hear back from those you hold close. The friends that know you, who’ve been with you through thick and thin are also positive mirrors. They remind you of your strengths, of the qualities you might have forgotten about in the midst of the emotional storm, of the things that make you ‘you’. They show you a picture of yours, with all its tones and nuances, showered in saturated, warm shades. It’s no longer the black and white photo you held in your head. All of a sudden everything comes to life, light and colour.

This emotional change unfolded for me in a couple of hours yesterday, after a few phone calls and after a few messages exchanged with some of my favorite people. And I thought to myself: Maan, why are we not doing this more often? We’re humans, we’re volatile by default, we change daily. Whenever we feel like that imaginary Ikea bag we’re carrying constantly gets too heavy, the best thing we could do is actually share how we feel with someone close to our heart. Who knows, they might be feeling the same way too and we might be alleviating their burden whilst letting go of the stones we carry ourselves.